It’s so important to be truly invested in your life and the direction your going and want to go in. When you make and list your aims, goals, dreams make sure they are things you would love to do, be and have in your life or change. Make them full of passion drive and determination, this is what is going to fuel them to happen and you to show up daily day in day out to make the end result become a reality.
I love using a HEART model approach to help me with my personal development goals. Because you have to be true to yourself, you have to make a time frame and it insurers the goal is set to be realistic by reminding you along the way.
An example of how to set your goals with H.E.A.R.T is below;
Honest: make sure your goal Is right for you? That it fit’s with your core values and beliefs?
Exact: think about exactly, what you will need to succeed and accomplish your goal. Think about and list all the steps you need to take along the way and log, celebrate and Mark them as you go.
Authentic: Make goals that are true to what you want, where you want to be what you want to have in your life and be sure it consistent with your values.
Realistic: don’t set yourself up to fail, make goals that are realistic to you and your life. Think about making steps and goals where you can or do you have the time, the energy, and motivation to complete the goal in mind. Think about the appropriate approach to the goal and If you have attempted it before and it hasn’t work just look at changing the approach.
Timely: think about the timeline you want to achieve this and what is realistic. Set a realistic deadline down on paper for example this time next year! Then Mark all the steps down somewhere like a dairy, for example weekly and daily steps that will get you there to the change the goal a year from now. Think about all the celebrations along the way with the steps what can change for the good along the way as a result. For example fitness goals, each week and step you will be getting healthier and fitter along the way to the goal which might be for example a half marathon, this goal as also then brought more to your life already along the way in this timeframe because it promotes positive changes in your life along the way.
So many identities, titles, roles, but who are you?
Struggling with identity? working out who you are? with the time you have left in the day, to yourself, no reserve left to invest in yourself after all you have given to others in the day?
Now more than ever we have all taken on more, play more roles to those in our lives and give all we can to get through what has been a very unusual 12 months! From working from home more, home schooling, becoming teachers overnight, being a rock of support for your household, family, friends and community. But you must not forget you amongst all the chaos.
Then it’s time to plan and workout how to make sure you have some energy, time and plan for you to re-identify yourself back to being you. Start planning the “Get your identity back plan”
First let’s help you to re-identify with yourself;
1, what do you like right now in your life, what do you enjoy?
2, what do you want to change, or not like in your life right now?
3, when do you feel at your happiest and when do you feel at your worst?
Once you have answered these, look at how you answered the question regarding what do you like and when feel at your most happiest. At those times;what are you doing, what role would you label yourself as at that time ?
An example might be, when I am with my children and family at the weekend, that would be your parent label. When I am going for my daily walk with the dog that is probably your ‘you’ label.
When you then look at what you don’t like right now in your life and what makes you feel at your worst. Think about,what labels they best identified with. A example might be; I feel so on edge and stressed and under pressure when at work, so this label would be your ‘profession or job title”.
Once you have the good,the bad,the best and worse times listed and roles labelled ask yourself;
If you could pick anything to describe yourself as, what 3 things at the moment would you want and choose to be?
Which of the 3 descriptions is the most important one to you right now?
Then focusing on that particular one of the 3 first.
Ask yourself, is this something you feel you already identify as? If not what would you need to do to be like this description?
For example if you put happy, you need to think of all the things that would mean and make you happy in your opinion.
It could be things like, feeling very comfortable in my own skin, reaching my your aims in life, seeing the things you want to see and experience in life, having self love and inner contentment for yourself, having good well-being. These are all examples, once you have done this, then do this with the remaining two words left of your 3.
Once you have a description and meanings for all of them, look at what your first wrote down, the answers to what you feel makes you happy, feel at your best and at your worst etc.
Then next imagine or actually form a visual timetable of your life and a snap shot of a full 7 day week. What do you now want it to look like? What can you change to your Current weekly situation, and make a schedule that fits more to the description of who you want to be and what would be a happier lifestyle allowing time factored in so you can be and best version of you as-well as all the other roles you are in the day.
For example, daily you might be taking on the role of a teacher with homeschooling, parent role and then partner with house work and cooking dinner, sorting household paperwork and needs, but then this time table now has the “you “ factor in.
One where, you have a space and time written in, that you have an hour or what you need of me time, to focus and complete x,y,z towards being the you that you described in the task before, where you picked your 3 words.
It might be that being happy or healthier was a description, therefore you may have concluded you want to become a runner, a Gym bunny, a cyclist, walking rambler, CrossFit member or someone who is very active in life. So you now put this time in to your day and week so you start to become just that.
Before you know it, days become weeks, weeks become months, a year and before long you have made it a lifestyle!
you have become the description, the ‘you wanted to be!
you have your own identity you wanted, away from all the other roles you play to others and can be all of those things in balance with your own needs, wishes, wants and life.
Don’t lose who you are, don’t get lost in your roles, know who you are, what you want and keep being you!
the happier you are the more positive and good you will bring to your life and all those around you. Over time the descriptions can change and your likes and dislikes too, remember every time you do something that makes you happy or more like the description you want to be, in those moments your not just wanting it anymore your becoming that person! Your making it happen your the “you” you want to be,in those moments and you matter!
This is a hard subject at times for us all, Blame.
Blaming things, people, life for where you are, unfortunately leads to no movement forward. When we find ourselves really wanting to do something or really not wanting to do something, the reality is, your the one making the decision, making and taking the move forward or not in life.
It’s very hard to be true to yourself and honest and say, you no what I can make this happen or not for myself, I am the one driving the steering wheel, regardless of what life trows your way, you are choosing how to deal or not deal with it, right here right now.
An example is let’s say you have decided to follow a goal of yours, this goal might be that you want to be your version on healthy, which is to not to drink alcohol and watch what you eat in regards to processed foods and your goal is to change how you currently feel in your own skin. You feel the foods make you feel bad and that you feel alcohol makes you feel unmotivated for your new exercise routine, which you are following as part of your overall goal.
The situation you then find yourself in is that you have been on track now for just over 4 weeks, your starting to feel so much better mentally and physically, getting results in your moods, energy levels and seeing the physical positive changes of your efforts, your then invited to a social event and there will be the foods you want to avoid and wine, cocktails and things you feel hinder you and your goal right now, what do you do?
A) Do you decided to have a night off from your regime, that’s fine you have decided I want this stuff this evening so I will.
B) Do you not go because you don’t want to put yourself in this position when you have just started to make the steps to the goal and it’s to early on for you to be in this position?
C) Do you go but not drink alcohol and have your meal before you go so your are not Hungary for those food items when there?
The answer is all of them are right, which ever you want, you decide you take control of the decision and own it.
Then you don’t blame anything or the social event for why things go wrong or right because you are deciding what you want to do how you want to do it and you are fully in control and accountable for you and your actions.
When you start being positive In your decisions and accountable you then don’t blame anyone or others for where you are, because their is no negative spin on you making very conscious decisions. You either want something or you don’t, you either do it or you don’t. You go or don’t go and everything still moves on and progresses for you if you want it to.
Accountability is such a powerful tool, to be accountable is such a strength, it allows you to have boundaries for where you want your goals to sit, move and shape, face what you feel is where you are at, where you are going and have realistic mindset those goals and keeping yourself in check.
Top key tips to ensure you stop blaming and start positive aiming, towards your goals:
1) Attitude, start looking at the way you talk about things, do you find yourself blaming and shaming things, circumstances and people for we’re you are today ? A movement forward would be the next time you go to do this,try to stop yourself and instead support yourself into a new more positive mental attitude, say to your self, do you want this? Or not? When you start having a more negative spin on things try to use more positive language and actions towards yourself and your steps. Aims and goal, be your own cheerleader and prep talk yourself out of what you don’t want to happen, remind yourself that you can do this you can stay on track and tenner what and why you are doing this all for in the first place.
2) Focus, keep where your heading fresh in your mind, think of how you will feel when you make the changes and goals happen for yourself how amazing will this feel, then also think about if you didn’t change anything at all how would you feel, let this motivate you further, choose the direction you want and keep focused , you will get there which ever you choose, change or no change.
3) Admitting where your at, what’s working, what’s not working and be really true to yourself about what you want and don’t want. Work out what your strength’s and weaknesses are and plan for success and drop out things which you have admitted do not help you! Things that do not help you and change the approach so you can’t fail.
4) Stop self sabotage; when things start going right and you either feel a little outside your comfort zone or you become scared or fearful of your successes and change remember that old habits die hard, don’t start self sabotage try to prepare for these times and coach yourself out of doing this, remind yourself, its ok I feel scared this is new and think of all the good you have done to get here right now and all the great things your goals will lead you to, it’s worth staying on track. Work on yourself, your fears and find ways of facing and understanding what can and has held you back and when you feel this starting again to happen you take control and stop it taking control of you. It’s important to get support and help if you need to don’t let anything or anyone stop you from your successes, it takes a great and real strength to face things.
5) Excuses, leave them all behind, accept you are the one who is in the driving seat and making the decision to do or not do something. Don’t blame anyone or anything else you are in control, so take control of the direction you are going.
The bottom line is invest your energy in yourself, learn to let go or draw a line of anything that’s holding you back and be open to the fact that it could be you holding yourself back, blocking the way. you have the key to unlock your life and start aiming towards your future the future you want. You just need to believe in yourself more, remember the mind is one or the most powerful tools you have.
February is here the month of love so it the perfect time to look at what you love in your life right now, and what would you love to change/happen and be doing this year?
An Emotion such as Love is so powerful and important as it gives you drive and determination. Relationships are also so important. The relationships you have with your family, friends, and community can really matter but what about the relationship You have with yourself!
Do you ever look at how you treat yourself?It’s important to recognise if you put your self down our put limiting beliefs out there that stop you doing what you love.
Look at what your current personal priorities are it’s Identify how much they mean to you and the impact they have on you. Also It’s good to look at How much responsibility you have towards the priorities. Can you make them change, can you take control of them?
If you are able to be in control of them, ask yourself what would like to work on first ? What would make your life better and more enjoyable?
It’s important to invest in yourself and your time. When it comes to “me time “it’s so important to not think of it as a selfish act because it’s so important to ensure you are happy just like everyone else, you also matter!
The happier you are the more likely that you will find those around you are!
I find “me time” helps with all of the juggling and work life balance we all have to deal with at times and making sure time out for yourself is factored in and planned.
There is no time like the present, for me time to happen, you need to just ask yourself these questions to get the ball rolling and start to make your plans!
Work on these 4 questions:
1, if I could do anything what would I love to be doing?
2, What would I love to happen this year that’s within my control?
3,What do I love and enjoy in my life and how Can I factor it in more to my routine?
4, when can I start some of the above, Pick a date when the first step is going to happen! It’s more likely to come true if you write it down and commit to it!
Remember you are steering your direction you can change it, make a life you love with the things that you have the control over and power to change.
Sometimes life is hard and we all at times get dealt cards that are unexpected, negative or out of our control! and these can therefore take us off course. But with the things that you do have control over and are able to have responsibility for take a positive change and why not make it all lead to something you really want in your life!
Remember there is no failure in trying! Don’t regret things make things happen you deserve to be happy! You can’t change yesterday or the past, but tomorrow is yours for the taking …………enjoy!
Time,we all have either not enough or to much time on are hands at the moment.
We may feel overwhelmed by having to do more tasks, juggling many roles and all while living under one roof and space, for example if your in lockdown.
Those of you who are living alone my be feeling more disconnected from the world because of this lockdown and as a result have a lot less social inclusion. This all can result in more time on your hands, to think.
The thing is,if we spend to much time thinking about things we could make ourselves feel worse, for example overanalyse and literally overthink something, or if we don’t have the time to think about what we are feeling and our thoughts and what we need, we can have a spiral in our mindset and in turn our mental health! it’s such a balancing act of what’s healthy and what’s to much time.
There is no right or wrong, but there is an impact.
If you don’t have enough time for what you need to do and process things you think about, whether it’s work related, homeschooling, emotional led thinking, fitting in things such as workouts, course work, craft projects, reading time etc then what happens?
Do you feel lower in your mood, more short tempered or snapping, feel stressed, pressured, anxiety? these are all sighs of not having enough efficient time on your hands and as a result, things are not working in the best way for you.
Learning to recognise when you need less or more time to invested in things, this will help ensure you keep balanced on the things you need to do, and also the things you enjoy and more importantly, give less time on what isn’t good for you or making you as happy.
Making time for things that keep you being you, is very important and working out what strategies help you to find this balance is key.
when you can have some “ you time” use it wisely, it’s not selfish, it’s vital.
if you don’t make time for yourself, your needs, steps and goal then how can you make what you want to happen, in your life happen?
So, how can you make time for what you need?
Take a moment to Reflect on how your currently using your time, is it affective? Is it sufficient for you?
Think about how this week has gone for you ? How have you felt as a result?
then imagine and think about what your perfect ideal weekly/ daily program would look like against this?
What would be different? what would you add in you didn’t make time to do before?what would you give less or more time to?
Time management ideas:
Make a mental log or make an actual timetable of the times in the day you feel you need to change the nature of what your doing, A example, do you have slot of time in one room, let’s say, in your home office all morning, do you make an hour for yourself to take a break and go for a walk? This is based on if your Safe to go outside, covid restrictions wise etc, did you want more time to be active and move, is this the right time or not to make time for a at home workout in another room in your home?
Consider, if you spoken to anyone today outside of your home, make time for positive people who keep you motivated, call your friends, family or watch those who inspire you on their daily blogs etc, use time to connect and keep you feeling less Alone.
When it comes to your time management timetable, make sure you don’t spend a-lot of time on things that make you feel low, alone or negative.
Factor in some clam/quiet time, If your house is full of people, find the time to have “your quiet time “alone away from everyone maybe wake before they all do, or when they are all asleep unwind somewhere for a while before you go to sleep.
If you have the ability of some support at home say with your partner, let them no you need time for yourself, if you feel you need time to do, your walk, your exercise,your you time and encourage them to have the same within your household/ family so you all have a better time being in each other’s pockets especially if in lock down.
Invest your time wisely whenever possible, remember this is an incredibly unique situation at the moment in the world, do what you need to live through it as mentally and physically possible.
Brain Biscuits Coaching 